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Sep. 7th, 2008 | 06:55 pm
music: one man drinking games - mayday parade.

six days and counting. i'm so nervous, scared, excited, worried, happy, confused, and so much else. i don't know what to think. i'm too little to be moving out. i wish i had another year of school, or perhaps at times i think i should have taken a gap year. i don't know. i have so much i need to sort out. like i need to do the drive to oxford so i actually know where i'm going. everyone else seems so excited about a new start and meeting new people and stuff. and i was so excited, but now im just worried i wont make any friends due to this whole accommodation situation, and it just stresses me out and makes me all anxious about going. ugh.

i'm so tired all the time. i think i'm worn out. been worn out due to going out too much. emotions. a lot of things. i just can't seem to go a day feeling completely awake and not run down at all. things still bother me about him. i don't know what it is. i'm over it, i really am. i just think its the whole aspect of him not being in my life at all. but no matter what i say or do is going to change anything. maybe i'm just feeling lonely. it really upsets me sometimes how life is all about us finding our soul mate, reproducing and dying. and all we ever seem to do is keep searching for that one person. its our one and only aim in life. everyone has the same one. and if people aren't in a relationship they aren't happy. we have to find love in other people before we can love and appreciate ourselves.

i'm so fed up of trying to be perfect. imperfections are what make people them, we all have them, some just more than others. people trying to mould me to be someone i not was actually working for a long time and i thought i was completely happy with it. but im not perfect, and i do apologise, but i'm not. and everyone else in the whol entire world knows they aren't also. and i've recently realised i'm really scared of being myself. if people didn't like me before, it's for someone who i wasn't. but now if people don't like me, its because they don't like me, and thats fucking scary. 'i don't give a fuck what you think or say', well quite frankly i think i do. and although i shouldn't care, everyone listens to what people think of them and everyone takes insults to heart. or maybe it is just me.

i need to get off myspace. it shows me things i don't want to know, and just seems to make my life a misery. the less i'm on that shit the better. but its an actual addiction i swear. i have like withdrawal symptoms. i have a stupid urge to stalk people all the time, and it leads me to just find out unwanted information and wastes hours and hours of my time. i get myself involved in stuff that i would be even less than remotely interested in real life. and i just keep looking at pictures of times, and remembering things. someday soon everything will work out.

patience. patience. patience.

'and I'd whisper that I love you as you fall out of your clothes. and we'd lay there in the darkness like this dream of you I had, where we captured all the fireflies and knew what time we had could be counted on our fingertips and that almost made you cry.
but you let me hold you tightly as we said all our goodbyes'

link. | do it |


Aug. 29th, 2008 | 04:38 pm

i've been so busy lately i haven't even thought about livejournal. i apologise. i should really update this more. i'm off to uni soon. but without any fucking accommodation. i guess we will see how that works out. i'm so stressed out by it. im on o2 now. and i'm so happy. its amazing.
and that is all i can be bothered to do.
more to do lists? CBA. i have too many already.

link. | do it |

it's so hard to say goodbye.

Aug. 16th, 2008 | 11:47 pm


i'm getting there.

link. | do it |


Aug. 10th, 2008 | 10:24 pm

i'm going to start to make a scrap book. i need to take off all the things on my walls cause my dad wants to paint them while im at uni and whilst the extension is going on. & i've always wanted something that will remind me of all the places i've been and the things i've seen. gigs, tickets, pictures, postcards. random things. little things. but they all mean something. another thing i'm excited about is my charm bracelet that georgie got me for my birthday, i've always wanted one, and now i can slowly build it. and hopefully each one will have a meaning and it will be nice to look back and remember things. i'm so exctied about seeing the lion king with charlotte and harriet too. SO excited.
busy week. results and parties all week. being eighteen is so much better than being seventeen. i want to stay eighteen forever.
i read a quote on post secret today that really made me think about things, "I'm so sure and scared. I'm always going to be that girl who is never enough." it was written by a married woman. and that just really made me wonder if people are going to feel that way for their whole life. i hope i dont. i hope i find someone where i actually feel like i am worth there time and i am actually good enough.

time will only tell.

link. | do it |


Aug. 6th, 2008 | 11:58 am



link. | do it |

the casino brawl

Aug. 4th, 2008 | 11:43 am
music: the casino brawl - luke pickett

luke pickett last night was amazing. even if he thought he had a bad throat, he was definitely sounding pretty amazing to me. his voice is actually the most beautiful thing i have ever heard.
his lyrics are positively the most beautiful thing also. wow.

the casino brawl

release me. set me on fire. i'll treat you better than you treat yourself. tell me - i'm worth more than anything or anyone else.
bled me dry on a Sunday afternoon. no tears left, i've cried them all for you. you hold the cards. you're my queen of hearts, it's true. pull my arm and i'll take good care of you.

wide awake and you're hoping for someone to walk through that open door.

got my tuxedo on, i'm ready for gun war. i've never bled so hard after casino brawl. now pull the knife from my ever bleeding heart. tell me now your words never meant me harm.
on my way to the ritz to meet with you. so much time, so little left to do. pay the bill, now my fears have come true. this table for one was always meant for two.

wide awake and you're hoping for someone to walk through that open door.

i'm all alone with you, but who am I to make a move? i've waited so long to prove that i'm in love with you. (will every door that's open lead me straight to you?)

now what's going on?

link. | do it |

seven things

Aug. 1st, 2008 | 05:14 pm

to do list:
1. eat more fruit
2. loose weight
3. get fit
4. write a letter to him
5. write goodbye letters
6. earn more money
7. buy things for uni
8. get over you.

i'll strike these out as i do them. (but most of them just are not going to happen)

link. | do it |

& fade.

Jul. 31st, 2008 | 11:15 pm
music: if i never see your face - maroon 5


i need to start making choices with my head and not my heart.
or maybe it doesn't matter what decisions i make. perhaps everything is already chosen, and made out the way it is going to be.

karma just keeps coming back for more at the moment though, doesn't it.

(i'm also loving uploading pictures and putting them on here. more of a visual memory then writing it down. also seems to save me a heck of a lot of time)

link. | do it |

& without you, things are just fine.

Jul. 29th, 2008 | 01:32 pm
music: you won't know - brand new


link. | do it |

too darn hot.

Jul. 27th, 2008 | 10:16 pm


link. | do it |